The Truth About Why I Publish Books
The answer is usually found
in the act
of simplifying
Through the lens
of considering
what you really want
In November of 2023, I published my first book, A Single Droplet: Finding Freedom Through Daily Practice. This book is unlike any other I will write again, the ship has steered towards a very different direction (stay tuned). But A Single Droplet encompasses everything I had worked through up until the point it was published, and even beyond in some aspects.
If you are new here, you may not know that I launched my own business in 2020. For lack of better words, it was a coaching business (I kind of cringe at the word “coach,” no offense to all the coaches out there). Through my own journey with anxiety, I stumbled upon daily practices that helped me, like actually helped (I still use them to this day), and decided to create a pathway for others to learn them too. I wrote a curriculum and built a fairly robust mentorship program. I was shocked when over twenty people signed up within just a couple of weeks. I led live calls, had 1:1 clients, started up a podcast (it’s still out there if you want to listen), hosted in-person retreats, and even served as a guest teacher in other programs. The whole shebang.
After giving it my all (and I mean my all), I hit a wall. I hit it hard, mainly because I was sprinting so fast. And wanna know what the graffiti on the wall said? “Something isn’t right.”
After a few months of sitting with my back leaned against this wall, occasionally trying to race up and over it, I realized that the coaching world (again, cringe… no offense), was not for me. I don’t want to talk at people or tell them what I think about their life. I don’t want to act more experienced or knowledgeable of someone else’s journey. In fact, I honestly don’t really enjoy talking. I’d much rather listen to you or write about what I’m feeling or seeing in the world. In short, I want to be next to you, sitting side by side with our legs swaying back and forth, as we both try to figure all of this out.
During this uncomfortable period of time when I was coming to the conclusion that everything I had built was perhaps not what I wanted to be doing, two things kept floating to the surface:
Writing the curriculum for my program was my favorite part (and that’s saying something because I truly did enjoy creating so much and working with others).
I am a sharer; I want to open myself to others and connect with them in a deep and meaningful way. This type of vulnerability feels like some sort of medicine.
After considering this information, which was pretty hard to admit to myself after all the work I had poured, I understood. I am a writer. It’s what I walk towards so naturally, it was hard to see as the thing I wanted to do!
So I left everything I had built. I closed doors on my business, stopped making new podcast episodes, paused in-person retreats (I have to believe these will come back one day, because they literally set my heart on fire), and even deleted my social media apps. I decided that the best thing I could do for myself, was simplify and focus on the things I want to do most. A simple concept, but not always easy.
Fast-forward to today? To this moment as I type these words in bed with the baby monitor to my left and a snoring husband to my right?
I am writing. Life is sweet. Hard, but sweet. Hard, and sweet.
I have published one book and it’s on all the platforms (even in audiobook on Audible) and I’m currently working on the next two (yes, two!). I actually have a deadline to hand over the first draft to my editor next month. I am quite behind due to life, but we’ll get there.
The truth, is that I write mostly every day. And the things I write, that help me translate myself and life, I want to share them. This is why I publish books. For me, they aren’t a status symbol, another notch in the belt. I don’t even do it in attempt to become a bestselling author (although I’ll happily accept that path if it lands at my feet). I write for myself and I want to share. And that is all. And that is enough.
I cannot wait to share more with you. Thanks for being here. It’s just getting started.
P.S. Baby steps.
